the object of your affection

It’s not power.

One might believe

Your words of love, praises of beauty and awe of my intellect

Might instill within me a certain

Power over you,

But it’s not power.

Rather your flattery instigates a search within me to

Disprove your words

Because I mistakenly think that your

Admiration implies that

I am perfect.

And I know I’m not perfect.

But I’m selfish, self-conscious, and blinded enough to think that you might believe I am

So for a moment

I think I have power,

Because you are here telling me that you love me.

I don’t think I feel the same and that scares me so

It’s not power

Because you have the ability to make me think twice;

To make me nervous and apprehensive about our interactions,

To make me question my motives,

And make me wonder if I am always using you

Which I might be. 

But it’s not power I have

Instead our relationship

Reveals my insecurities and weaknesses.

If I were honest with you and with myself

I would stop telling you how evil I am

(Thinking I’m doing you a favor by warning you)

I would stop pushing you away and then pulling you back,

I would just leave.

But I can’t, because it’s not power.